Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date.
It's best for employers that I not work with people.
Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!
I am sicking and entry-level position.
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy.
Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house.
I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so.
I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
My compensation should be at least equal to my age.
I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience.
My primary goal is to be recognized.
My salary requirement is $34 per year.
I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
I am superior to anyone else you could hire.
I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live.
Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However...
I worked here full-time there.
I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one.
You are privileged to receive my resume.
Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment.